33 W. Penny Road South Barrington, IL 60010-9578 Phone: 847-428-OWLS (6957) e-mail: stillnc@wildblue.net

Comedy and Commentary

IRRATIONAL FEARS OF NATURE --Mark Spreyer © SUMMER  2006

Editor’s Note.  In 2005, Richard Louv’s book, Last Child in the Woods: Saving Our Children from Nature-Deficit Disorder, received much well-deserved attention. Ecophobia, as some call it, is not news to those of us that work as environmental educators. With that in mind, I offer the following column that first appeared in the Barrington Courier-Review in 2002.

It’s quite obvious that my peers who have kids have a different take on safety than the parents who raised us. As a kid, I was hit by a car while riding my bike. There was blood, crying, and a lecture on how I should be more careful but no helmet. Helmets, of course,  make sense but prudent safety concerns have evolved, I’m sorry to say,  into an unwarranted fear of nature.  When autumn begins to chill the air, how often do you see kids wait for a school bus outside?  What I see are kids sitting in a heated car at the end of their driveway. From there, perhaps with headphones on, they hop into a heated bus. Hard to see a hawk soar or watch a squirrel bury acorns when you aren’t even allowed to wait outside a few minutes for the bus.  Worried about child abductions? Check the numbers. Compared to previous years, the number of abductions hasn’t increased this year, media attention notwithstanding.  I’m not the first to observe this. In a wonderful article that appeared in the journal of the Massachusetts Audubon Society, Deborah Knight talked with a woman who lives in Lincoln, Massachusetts. In the sixties and seventies, she used to let her kids wander the hills and ride their bikes unsupervised. When she has grandchildren, she will not allow them the freedom  she allowed her own kids in the same town.  Has the town changed? According to the police chief, a 30-year veteran, of nearby Bedford, there hasn’t been a single child abduction in town and it is no less safe than it used to be. What has changed? Our perceptions.  

Inaccurate Perceptions

Inaccurate perceptions are keeping our kids from exploring the outdoors which is their loss. For example, if a kid is just “hanging out,” what do you think she is up to? Anna Quindlen answered that question in a column she wrote for Newsweek, “There is a culture of adult distrust that suggests that a kid who is not playing softball or attending science-enrichment programs-- or both-- is huffing or boosting cars....” What a shame.  Even if they are attending a science-enrichment program at a nature center, the adults’ fear of nature still creeps in.  At Massachusetts Audubon’s Habitat sanctuary, parents who registered for the “mud class” were shocked when their children  actually got dirty! By the way, the children probably could have found mud closer to home but would their parents have  let them play with it?  Locally, some schools are reluctant to visit Stillman because we have ticks. As I detailed in a previous article, the odds of getting Lyme disease at Stillman are virtually nil, certainly far less than getting harmed while riding in a car. I explain to teachers that we only have wood ticks which don’t carry Lyme disease. Be that as it may, after one school found a few ticks (not attached) on some returning students, the school was fumigated!  

Back in the Day

Lucky for me, my parents knew that ticks-- along with chiggers, sunburn, and poison ivy-- were what a boy came home with when he played outdoors. No big deal. Deborah Knight hits the nail on the head when she mentions a mother who worries that kids are being raised in an environment, “...devoid of risks and with few opportunities to develop responsibility to take care of themselves. She worries too, that her own children simply evince little interest in playing in the natural world.” According to Anna Quindlen, it isn’t just an appreciation of the natural world that is at stake when overscheduled and oversupervised kids aren’t allowed any downtime. “Downtime is where we become ourselves, looking into the middle distance, kicking at the curb, lying on the grass or sitting on the stoop and staring at the tedious blue of the summer sky. I don’t believe you can write poetry, or compose music, or become an actor without downtime, and plenty of it....” I know that I am a naturalist because I had plenty of downtime which gave me a chance to explore the Barrington countryside. Be that as it may, I realize it is too late to put irrational parental fear back in the bottle.  In my younger days, the bogey man was nuclear war. Remember “duck and cover” drills? I guess I’ll just duck and cover and hope that this fear of nature passes.  

N.Y. & JERSEY: Home to Bird Seed  -- Mark Spreyer © 1999  

 American Woodcock alias Bog-bird alias Timber-doodle   

            As the picture at the top of this column suggests, birds are a major interest of mine. In fact, our phone number at the Stillman Nature Center is 428-OWLS. So, as you might expect, I get many publications about birds.While reading a recent newsletter, published by a chain of wild birdseed stores, a headline caught my attention: “What’s new with nyjer.”

            “Nyjer?” I thought to myself, “I didn’t know they grew seed between New York and Jersey.”

            I read on, “One of our most popular birdseeds will soon take on ... a new spelling for an old name. In the past, nyjer has been commonly known as niger or thistle seed.... The word ‘niger’ was sometimes confused with a similarly spelled racial slur.” I shuddered. The language police have come to the world of birds. I also had a frightening thought. Putting aside obvious ‘offenders’ such as rape seed, it is a short step from the names of birdseeds to the names of the birds themselves. Normally, I have little patience with this politically-correct gang. However, for sake of this article, I’m going to review bird names from the P-C point of view.

            If we’re afraid of offending people, many birds will be needing new monikers. (For the uninitiated, all actual bird names will be in italics.) Take, for example, a common plover that can be seen in fields and pastures across the country, the Killdeer. Of course, it is named after its call but look at the spelling! It’s like every bird watcher is taking aim on poor Bambi. What would the animal rights people say? Hereinafter, with tongue placed firmly in check, this bird will be known as the “Cilldear.”  

            Now, if a hunter just wounds a deer, it could be left limping. Having broken a leg of mine, twice, I know what limpin’ feels like. With my temporary politically-correct mindset, imagine my disgust when I remembered the snail-eating bird found in Florida called the Limpkin. Geez, what’s next, the “Gimpkin?” 

            Among the sea ducks is one of the worst ‘offenders,’ the Oldsquaw. At first glance, this name has the potential to insult both Native Americans and seniors. Now, I realize that “Maturing-Native-American” is not exactly a workable alternative 

nom de plume, as it were. Feminists could also take offense, as this bird’s talkative nature earned the Oldsquaw its current name. It’s call is a yodel-like whistle. With that in mind, I suggest that we rename the Oldsquaw, the “Yodeler.” O.K. I can hear a few of you arguing that this might upset some Europeans. That’s perfect! After all, isn’t insulting Europeans the P-C thing to do? 

            This brings me to a partial list of bird names which, with sexism in mind, are politically incorrect: Bushtit, Dickcissel, Blue-footed Booby and the American Woodcock. There’s no way to write about a Bushtit without getting in trouble so we’ll move along to the Dickcissel which, obviously, should be renamed “Richard Cissel.” In regards to the large, fish-eating Blue-footed Booby; when it vocalizes, is that a Booby call? Luckily,  this aquatic bird already has an alternative name, the “Camanay.” We all know 

that calls for Camanays are commonly heard around here, particularly at cocktail parties.

            Speaking of cock tails, we have a few here at the Stillman Nature Center, which are particularly visible in the spring. At dusk, during this season, the American Woodcock, an inland sandpiper, performs his elaborate mating ritual which 

includes his spectacular courtship flight. Now, I ask you, is this really a bird story, or a thinly-veiled advertisement for Viagra? The bird world apparently anticipated the sexist nature of the name Woodcock, as they have given this bird a variety 

of other names. Three of my favorites are: “Bog-bird,” “Big Mud Snipe,” or the “Timber-doodle.” You can choose your favorite politically-correct sobriquet.      

            There are other problematic names in the bird books like the Red-necked Phalarope, for instance. For the time being, I won’t go there. With any luck, the birdseed industry will soon give the language police the boot. In the meantime, I’ll be 

sailing up and down the Hudson River. As soon as I find the fields of nyjer seed, I’ll let you know.

Postscript: This column first appeared in the Barrington Courier-Review in 1999. 

In 2000, the America Ornithologists’ Union changed the name Oldsquaw to Long-tailed Duck.Part of their reasoning reads: The Committee declines to consider political correctness alone in changing long-standing English names of birds but is willing in this instance to adopt an alternative name that is in use in much of the world.  

Whatever you say guys.